Friday, June 10, 2011

Little Salisbury

Move over Crips-there's a new gang in town and they mean business. The Camden Crew, headed by Boss Cohen, has recently made a major grab for power and now they are out to settle old scores. First on their hit list is the Mayor of Salisbury, Jim Ireton.

Like most political gestapos, The Camden Crew is a cold, calculating group that stay on top by silencing any and all dissenters; word on the street is that hit-man Joseph Albero is standing by to take out anybody they classify as a target. Here's what you need to know to protect yourself:

The Camden Crew is run by the Big 3- Cohen, Campbell, and Spies. Boss Cohen, a "business owner" and "career woman," handles the PR for the group. Meticulous as she is cunning, Cohen is best known for smiling crookedly at her political opponents while she sinks their proposals. But while Cohen is the face of the organization, most of their movement is orchestrated by Campbell. On the inside, Campbell is known as The Capo dei Capi- or The Boss of Bosses; this is the person you do not want to piss off. Slight Campbell, and Albero will be on you before you can say, "wait a minute, why am I the sole source of budget cuts?" This woman has spent years clawing her way to the top- starting off in Neighborhood Services, Campbell now sits in the Vice Presidents Chair of City Council where she can pull the strings for the Crew without attracting attention- she is not to be trifled with. If you look carefully, you can see both Cohen and Spies checking with her before they take a vote. While Timmy Spies is not as dangerous as he used to be, he should still be regarded with caution. A retired military man, male nurse, and recent eunuch, Tim exists solely to provide extra muscle for Cohen and Campbell when things heat up (the two C's had his balls removed once he got elected to Council to make sure he would never vote against them). Witnesses say he reports everything he sees and hears directly to Campbell so if you see him on the street, its best to switch to the other side and keep your head down.

It's sort of funny that the City Council of Salisbury Md, which just months ago received thousands of dollars in state-funding to help local law enforcement tackle our gang problem, has itself been taken over by a gang...nonetheless, we ask the public to give support and aid to the following list of people who will now be facing cyber-retaliation (via Albero) as a result of their actions:

Laura Mitchell
Shanie Shields
Jim Ireton

...stay tuned for updates on the Crew's movement as well as additions to the list of possible targets. Have a great day everybody....and be safe.

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